Wednesday, October 20, 2010

iPad List - Reason #3

Why I do not like the iPad - Reason #3

The iPad is not a book

What sense of accomplishment do I get from an iPad if both James and the Giant Peach and Anna Karenina are a half inch thick and weigh 1.5 pounds (13.4mm thick and 0.68kg for my friends outside of the U.S.)?

I need the mass of a book like Tolstoy’s War and Peace or Victor Hugo's Les Miserables.
I get a great sense of satisfaction in having read these classics in book-form because I know I overcame the stomach-churning jolt I felt when I first saw four-inches of acid-free paper bound between two covers weighing in at 10 lbs and thought, “I’m going to try reading that!?!”

And because I know I overcame that initial jolt, I can brag about my reading conquests to all of my acquaintances.
“I know therefore I brag.”
Didn’t some great philosopher write that?
If not, he should have.

Without that satisfaction of having read those classics in book-form, I fear I would never feel comfortable acting snobby around those who have not.
I would almost feel like a fraud…like maybe I am not better than those people. (Gasp!)
If I do not get the pleasure of talking down to others, then why would I read such a wordy story?

I read “War and Peace” in book-form and now use the book as a TV stand.
That rubs my superiority in the face of every person I invite into my home.
I also never feel guilty about spending hour upon hour in front of my television.
On those rare occasions I start to feel like maybe I should turn the TV off and exercise, I look at the book holding up the TV and immediately regain my satisfaction in knowing I earned the right to be a couch potato.
I read Tolstoy…I paid my dues.

Speaking of inviting people into your home, an iPad does nothing to impress your guests.
I put 10 books on a shelf in my living room and people think I must be pretty smart (at least until they get to know me better).
If I put 10 iPads on a shelf in my living room people will only think I deal in stolen property.
In which case they may still think I’m pretty smart – but, they will never trust me enough to loan me gas money.

Thanks Apple…what’s the point of having friends if there is no chance of getting money for gas?

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