Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Top 4 Reason I do NOT like the iPad

Reason #4

The iPad holds too many pictures

Before the iPad, proud parents (show-offs) carried only three pictures of their kids in their wallets.
You sat and smiled while you looked at the pictures.
Afterward, you lied by telling the proud parent (show-off), “Your kids are so cute”.
And you were done.
The whole ordeal took maybe 5 minutes.

Now, these proud parents (show-offs) own iPads.
And those 5 minute sessions are a thing of the past….just like Amazon’s Kindle.
These proud parents (show-offs) now can shove an iPad in your face with 100 pictures of EACH kid.
And each picture comes with an oral caption from mom.

Never mind that you see no difference between pictures #1, #7, #19, #21, #34, #44, #56, and #78-#90.
In each photo, the kid is wearing the same clothes, is in the same backyard, and hasn’t wiped his nose through any of the pictures.
Yet, the proud parent (show-off) has a different story to give you for each photo.
And you are forced to sit through it.

Thanks Apple.

Also, before the iPad, your traveling co-worker – you know that person in your office that always vacations in vulgar places that a respectable person would avoid at all cost – came back from vacation with about 24 vacation photos.
You sat and listened to them drone about their trip while you halfheartedly looked at the pictures.
Then you’d lie by saying, “Boy, I would love to go there some day” and all would be done.

Now, these travelers own iPads.
They return from vacation with 200 photos from their trip to Vulgaria.
(Yes that’s a real country…it’s in my imagination so you will have to trust me)

And, with the iPad, those pictures just got bigger.
Now, bigger pictures would be cool if they were of the Great Wall of China or Eiffel Tower…But, they never are.
These pictures always show the co-worker on some beach or by a pool with a fruity alcoholic drink in hand.

Now let’s be honest…There are 2 or 3 people at your office that you would PAY for a chance to see pictures showing them wearing only a bikini…bikini optional.
But, those beautiful people are never the ones passing around the iPad.
Instead, the iPad usually belongs to that 45 year old overweight rocker-lady that can’t get passed her skimpy swimsuit phase…and takes no shame in it.
So after every vacation, the former Motley Crue groupie shoves her iPad in your face while it flashes her vacation slide-show.
Rather, it’s more of a “side-show” than a “slide-show”.
All 200 god awful pictures show her beer-belly sticking out from between two pieces of spandex.
And quickly, we learn that it’s hard to smile AND keep your lunch down at the same time.

Thank you very much Apple.

Stay tuned.....I'm too disgusted to continue right now....

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